Against this background it is outrageous that men’s ongoing violence against women and children is not even mentioned in the prime minister’s “tough on crime” bill.

It’s a month of reflection; a month for all of us to consider the effects of gender-based violence for women in our society, for their children, loved ones, and co-workers, and, indeed, for our community.

Intimate partner abuse is not about love or anger or the result of alcohol or drugs: it is about power and about controlling the other partner.

And unfortunately, it’s tragically common.

Whether we have proof or not, most of us know a woman or child in our circle of family, friends, or co-workers who we suspect is being abused.

No one is immune or protected. Gender-based violence affects women of all ages, socioeconomic status, educational level, cultural background and race.

this story is the same a hundred of the same pattern

This subject hits close to home, lived it, endured it and survived it. Thinking it was all my fault, thought it was the way it was supposed to be. Thought others lived the same.

But years later, the recorder still goes off in my head, when someone rises there arm or hand too quickly, I still react by ducking. Loud noises remind me of gunshots and set me on edge. Yelling and screaming, do amazing things to me. Touching my neck even though you’re playing, remembering getting choked till I couldn’t breathe.

This man damaged my life, mentally and physically abused me, he manipulated me, wanted me to be who he wanted me to be, not allowing me to be me. Not to wear make-up, not to have friends, not to go anywhere, timed when I did, he knew how long it took to go to the store, get his beer and be back, don’t be late he would say, you know what will happen, he didn’t want me to have a life accept him and my children.

It has taken me years to quit looking over my shoulder, and not to look at the time to make sure I was getting home on time.

Pregnant with his son, which claimed at birth not to be his, then he raped me and I was pregnant again with my third child he wanted me to abort the baby I flat out refused, and he had nothing to say about the baby the whole nine months I was pregnant, being pregnant didn’t stop him from being a abuser. When my baby came home she was suddenly his pride and joy, go figure.

This is what really helped me decide to move to another state and taking the children, left in the middle of the night with my mom and dad would came to get us. Thinking the mental abuse was over, he couldn’t haunt me, he would be so far away.

Life took some time to get use too, looking over my shoulder, worrying about the children, at school, worried all the time.

It is a story that has deeply unsettled millions in China, posing troubling questions about whether three decades of headlong economic development has left nothing but a moral vacuum in its wake.

It begins last Thursday when a two-year-old girl totters into a narrow lane in a wholesale market in the thriving industrial city of Foshan in Guangdong Province and is hit by a small, white van. The driver pauses, and then pulls away, crushing the child for a second time under his rear wheels.

It is not the accident itself, but what happens next — or rather doesn’t happen – that has left millions of ordinary Chinese wondering where their country is heading.

One by one, no fewer than 18 passers-by are seen on closed circuit television ignoring the girl as she lies, clearly visible in the road, hemorrhaging into the gutter. Not a single one of them stops to help.
The first is a young man in a white T-shirt and trainers. He walks on past the prone form of girl who is by now bleeding profusely, without a second glance.

Next comes a cyclist who wobbles slightly to avoid the dying child and then pedals on, turning his head back momentarily, as if to check he really did see a child dying in the street.
As the pool of blood spreads, a third pedestrian comes by, clearly sees the bleeding girl, but steps out into the small lane to give her a wide berth.

Many viewers reacted with dismay, citing the incident as further evidence that China had become a “world without morals”.

“Everyone is praising the rubbish-collecting granny for helping, but isn’t it normal to help someone who is wounded or dying?”, asked Johnny Yao on Weibo, the Chinese equivalent of Twitter, “This just shows how abnormal is the moral situation in this society! The sad Chinese, poor China are we even rescuable?”

Others blamed China’s compensation culture for the apparent show of callousness, recalling a famous 2006 judgment when a Good Samaritan who helped a woman get to hospital was wrongly ordered to pay her compensation.
“They didn’t ignore the girl, they just didn’t dare help her,” said one comment among many that said that Chinese law had helped create a fear of intervening.

When do we say we are human or being human? May be it is tough to answer that in one sentence. But if you were to ask when are we being inhuman? people will give answers citing recent examples. That is the tragedy of our world. It is ironic that we remember examples of inhumanity than humanity in a world over populated by humans.

“It has something to do with what we call a diffusion of responsibility. The more people who are available, the less responsibility each individual seems to take for providing help to an individual in distress,” said Gaies.

Such theoretical psychological constructs are of course little consolation to little Wang, or her shattered parents, as she battles for her life. Yet, the two-year-old girl who has caused a country of 1.3 billion people to pause and reset their moral compass has in a larger sense attained immortality.

“Freedom to establish our own behavior in a sphere where the choice is imposed by material circumstances, and the responsibility for building your own life according to conscience, are the only spheres in which moral feelings can develop, and moral values are replicated every day by free will.”

First Things First

•Give the merchant the first chance to solve the problem. Contact the salesperson, retailer or business when you have a complaint about any goods or services you bought. When there is a complaints department, use it. When there isn’t, talk to someone in authority, such as a manager. A face-to-face discussion is best. Be firm and businesslike, but polite. Calmly and accurately describe the problem and what you want the company to do to resolve it.

•

If the problem is not resolved that way, ask for the telephone number of the company headquarters and contact the customer service department. Request specifics about how and when something will be done, and get the company representative’s name in case you have to refer to the conversation later. Write down any details of your complaint and keep them in a file. Make sure to date your notes.

•

If your call doesn’t produce satisfactory results, write a letter to someone higher up, such as the general manager or owner (see sample letter). Provide all the details of the problem and explain your efforts to resolve it. Ask for action. In the case of products, send a copy of your letter to the manufacturer, and be sure to keep a copy of it yourself.

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If none of these steps work to your satisfaction, consult the key consumer contacts of this Handbook for government offices and consumer organizations that apply to your situation. If you don’t know where to start, call the federal-provincial-territorial government consumer affairs office where you live. Someone there will direct you to the right organization. Or, use the Complaint Courier to file your complaint online.

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Taking legal action should be your last choice. If you decide to sue, remember that there are often time limitations on filing lawsuits. You may wish to check with a lawyer about the legal process and any limitations that may apply to your case in your province or territory.

Strategies for Success

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Do not be afraid to complain. Good businesses will be pleased to correct any mistake on their part. They know that customer goodwill is the best form of advertising.

•Always keep a file of important information related to your purchase, include the sales receipts, repair orders, warranties, cancelled cheques, contracts and any letters you have written to or received from the company concerned.
•

Do not procrastinate. When a product is defective or unsatisfactory, it is important that you return it quickly so that you do not lose the right to get your money back or to collect damages in some cases. Always check the return policy before you buy.

What to Do When You Have Complained Without Any Results?

If you feel you have given the company enough time and that your problem has not been resolved, send a copy of your complaint letter and copies of supporting documents (not originals) to, or file a consumer complaint with, your provincial or territorial consumer affairs office or Better Business Bureau. If you use the Complaint Courier it will give you the option to automatically forward your complaint to the appropriate government office.

Small Claims Court

Small claims court can be an informal and relatively inexpensive way to resolve disputes when the amount involved is less than $3,000 or, in some provinces, up to $25,000. However, you will have to pay a fee to file a claim. Once the suit is launched, you may have costs for such things as serving orders, payments to witnesses and travel expenses.

You do not need a lawyer to go to small claims court, although in most provinces and territories the help of a lawyer is allowed. The court staff is experienced in helping consumers prepare the necessary forms, and the judges have the power to settle disputes. This court allows each side to explain its story and does not expect consumers to know legal technicalities.

For information on how to proceed, contact the small claims or provincial or territorial court nearest you (look in the government listings in your phone book). The websites of these courts also often list the procedures to follow and have copies of the forms you will need to complete.

“How bizarre is that?” the Fox News correspondent exclaimed Wednesday. “Confusing reality with a reality show? But you can’t make it into something cosmic. To inflate it to the decline and fall of the Roman empire, I don’t buy that.”

But the boundaries between illusion and reality, journalism and advocacy, fair trial and free press, all seemed elusive Wednesday as they were battered by conflicting waves of rage in the wake of Anthony’s acquittal on the charge of murdering her 2-year-old daughter Caylee.

As talk shows, Twitter feeds and Facebook pages erupted with rants against a verdict that many Americans considered shockingly wrong — Twitter comments denouncing the jury outnumbered those praising it by 64 to 1, according to the digital bean-counting company NM Incite — a countervailing wave of complaints that media coverage distorted the trial also took hold.

Anthony is scheduled for sentencing Thursday on four misdemeanor convictions for lying to police, which likely will only feed the growing storm of media criticism.

It came most intensely, and least surprisingly, from Anthony’s defense team.

A Florida Bar complaint has been filed against one of Casey Anthony’s attorneys for making an obscene gesture at reporters and spectators after Anthony’s acquittal on murder charges.

While celebrating the jury’s verdict Tuesday at an Orlando restaurant, attorney Cheney Mason gestured with his middle finger toward people gathered outside. An Associated Press photographer snapped a picture of the gesture.

But Mason’s critique was echoed, in only slightly less pungent terms, through the legal and journalistic communities. Many there complained that some television news shows built their ratings up by taking an openly prosecutorial stance against Anthony, leading to public expectations that a conviction was a slam-dunk certainty

“The way TV has handled this is an embarrassment,” said Howard Kurtz, host of CNN’s media-criticism show Reliable Sources. “The sheer volume of coverage for stories that are basically local tragedies is impossible to defend. Toss in a tone of sensationalism, legal pundits who want to be the next Judge Judy, and a rush to judgment that belies the inevitable nuances of a criminal case, and you have the Casey Anthony story. She was convicted on the air long before the courtroom jury took a vote.”

The most pointed criticism was aimed at HLN’s Nancy Grace, a former prosecutor whose nightly attacks on the woman she scornfully referred to as Tot Mom almost single-handedly inflated the Anthony case from a routine local murder into a national obsession. Grace made no attempt to hide her rage at Anthony’s acquittal. “Tot Mom’s lies seem to have worked,” she exclaimed moments after the jury announced its verdict. “The devil is dancing tonight.”

Toobin believes that television should cover trials more, not less, as a sort of running civics lesson. So does lead CNN legal analyst Sunny Hostin, a New York defense attorney who has also worked as a federal prosecutor. She believes the anger over the Anthony verdict resulted not because TV hosts misinformed viewers but because they got to see the evidence for themselves.

“There were cameras in the courtroom, and they showed a very competent prosecution team, a very competent defense team, and a very competent judge,” she argued. “You can say people were fooled, but I give them more credit than that. I think people watched — we know they watched, because of the ratings — and they made their own decisions.”

In any event, cautioned former Miami federal prosecutor Kendall Coffey, it’s nothing new for Americans to treat murder trials as entertainment.

The complaints submitted to professional bodies by the losing side in custody battles are turning experts off the important work, the group says in a discussion paper. The result is a “major social and legal problem,” it says.

The group urges changing the rules so disciplinary bodies can only consider complaints from such parents if they have been first approved by the judge in the case or by the other, winning parent, or have been screened to weed out frivolous grievances

“The family law justice system is seriously undermined every time a vexatious complaint is made by a parent to the college,” said the paper signed by 11 psychologists, psychiatrists, lawyers and social workers. “It feels like a professional sucker punch and has no correlation to the skill, experience and savvy of the assessor.”

Earlier this year, the Ontario Medical Association’s board directed its staff to work with other professionals to push for changes to protect members against such complaints.

A parents-rights organization, however, says people embroiled in emotional disputes often feel the assessor is biased against one side, and need some recourse to question their professionalism.

Kris Titus of the Canadian Equal Parenting Council said she has heard from parents about psychologists or others who will spend a whole day with one parent in their home, and an hour in a “sterile” office environment with the other.

“When you’re dealing with children, where every decision made is essentially going to affect someone’s entire future, there has to be strict regulation of assessors,” Ms. Titus said. “There are some assessors we have heard multiple complaints about.”

The report suggests three options, based partly on legislation in a handful of U.S. states.

• -Require that a judge approve any disciplinary complaint, ensuring that it is more than merely an attack on the assessor’s conclusions.
• -Require that the complaint be approved by both parents, again making it less likely the grievance will be just another appeal by the losing party.
• -Set up a vetting process within regulatory bodies that would throw out vexatious complaints before they are formally investigated.

Rob Johnstone said he has battled alcoholism for 40 years and can’t find a treatment program that doesn’t rely on religion or spirituality as part of the recovery process.

“I should not be forced to participate in someone else’s religious beliefs. I shouldn’t have to add to mine,” said Johnstone, who added he has been an alcoholic for 40 years.

“We get involved in mood-altering substances and mind-altering substances,” Johnstone said. “That means the person is very vulnerable when they come in and that person should not be subjected to someone else’s religion.”

He’s hoping his human rights complaint pushes the province to create a treatment program that’s free of spiritual or religious elements. The commission wouldn’t comment on the status of his complaint.

“Spirituality … is part and parcel of everyone’s life. For some people, their spirituality is more important than others, but it’s a dimension of all of our lives as human beings,” Goossen said.

“When they’re in … programming, we do want them to go look for a grain of something that will be helpful for them and disregard the rest,” Goossen added.

Other people who work with addicts agree.
“If you talk to the concept of spirituality, most social recovery models have a level of spirituality,” Hoeft said. “Really, spirituality is getting in touch with who you are.”

“Some degree of a spiritual component is common as these types of programs are believed to be more effective,” the spokeswoman said.

“It is important to recognize that spirituality is not the same as religion. People in recovery tend to benefit from self-reflection, examining their lives, where they’ve come from, who they are and where they’re going.”

Florida family law dictates that judges allow both parents to be in their child’s life unless there’s clear evidence it is detrimental to the child, he said, adding: “The appropriate thing to do would be to get the report, go to the court and say, ‘In light of this, it’s detrimental.’ ”

He compared the case to other parental abductions.
“People need to understand this is a typical child custody battle between two former spouses,” DerOvanesian said. “My understanding is that the ex-wife (Christa Finch) has made allegations about abuse to children and family services and these have been investigated and unfounded. It’s just back and forth all the time. These are fairly typical custody situations.”

Debra D. Chatman of Minneapolis has been charged in Hennepin County District Court with endangerment of a child, a felony, and malicious punishment of a child, a gross misdemeanor.

According to the complaint, William T. Hurley beat the boy with his firsts and an extension cord. Chatman admitted she initially punished the boy by striking him with a belt, then Hurley burned him with an iron, the complaint said. Chatman said she heard the boy scream, “He’s burning me.”
Chatman said the boy ran out of the apartment, so she grabbed him and dragged him back in, the complaint said. Hurley allegedly started punching the boy again, and the boy ran to hide in the oven and grabbed on to something in there. Chatman said she turned on the oven to cause the boy to “release his hold,” the complaint said.

When the boy got out of the oven, Hurley “continued to assault him,” the complaint said.

Hurley was charged last week with malicious punishment of a child.

According to the charges against Hurley filed in Hennepin County District Court, police arrived at an apartment on the 2000 block of Elliott Avenue on a child abuse call. The boy told officers that Hurley was upset with him for being in his mother’s bedroom. Hurley punched him and threatened to kill him for hiding under a bed, the charges allege.

Officers saw marks and burns on the boy’s body, and, as they spoke to him, Hurley said he had ‘whooped’ [the boy] and “that he would get another,” the complaint said. Hurley had to be restrained by police, the complaint said.

As the nation raised its flu alert to the highest “Red” level on Oct. 4, the ministry also halted the mandatory training for reserve forces and ordered almost 660,000 enlisted soldiers to stay at their barracks.

Meeting visitors, going and sleeping off-base are not allowed in principle, although the first and last regular vacations are still permitted. Individual decisions are to be made flexibly by commanding officers, ministry officials said. It was the first time in Korea that such a confinement measure has affected the entire army.

Since the announcement, the ministry’s online bulletin board, which had less than 10 comments a day previously, has been filled with more than 200 petitions related to the confinement decision.

Introducing himself as a father of two sons, both of whom are in the service now, Kim Hong-bae wrote that the measure had already demoralized young soldiers.

Military officials say soldiers inoculated with the flu vaccine will be able to take vacations from January. However, those due to end their military service around that time would not be included, they said.

Yoon Hae-jin, a student studying in the United States, fears that she will not be able to see her boyfriend during the winter vacation.

“I plan to visit him halfway across the world. The confinement measure seems too harsh for young soldiers. Please consider the feelings of their parents and girlfriends,” she said.

Some people questioned the effectiveness of the somewhat extreme measure.

Despite the growing complaints, the ministry has not yet issued an official reaction.

“In order to protect soldiers from the new flu, the suspension measure was unavoidable. Their vacations are not denied but postponed,” said an official of the Defense Ministry.

“Each military unit is developing other programs to boost the morale of soldiers. We hope the public will be understanding for the time being.”

As of yesterday, the nation’s death toll from the disease was 49. No fatality case has occurred in the army, while some 1,500 soldiers with mild symptoms have recovered.

It’s the minority of parents who strike gold with a daycare that can take their one-year-old all the way through to school’s start and then take care of their child from 3 to 6 p.m. when mom and dad make it home from work. This leaves parents with a patch-work of informal, unlicensed after-school care, privately-hired babysitters or nannies (for those affluent enough), neighbours, playdates or maybe no supervision at all.

Where do your kids go after school?